Song Parodies -> "Varicose"

Original Song Title:

"Comatose"

Original Performer:

"Varicose"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Varicose veins are a very... mild medical issue!

Verse 1: I hate feeling like this
My old legs have dermatitis
They’re swelling, and all I think of
Is aching issues
Watching my veins get puffed up
My blood it getting stuffed up
And the more I age I realize
I can’t wear normal shoes
Varicose…
Never fall asleep again cuz this syndrome abuse!

Chorus: I can feel the aches
I can feel the pain
And see the branching spider veins
They make my legs look ill
Standing up too fast’s sure to cause a spill
I can see them stretch
I can see them bruise
With an array of reds and blues
I take a bunch of pills
The only problem is that they give me chills…

Verse 2: I place butt-prints in my chair
Think twice ‘fore going upstairs
Though my muscles may be aching
I go on that crusade!
Ow! My skin is tearing
All my muscles searing
Oh how I hate you
Varicose
I can never promise I won’t overdose, profuse!

Chorus: I can feel the grow
I can feel the swell
Can feel the pain in ev’ry cell
They make my legs look ill
Standing up too fast’s sure to cause a spill
I see they’re inflamed
They’re becoming blotched
Must wear these dumb compression socks
I take a bunch of pills
The only problem is that they give me chills…

Bridge: Branching vines
Spreading out
With time, bulge right up
Varicose
I gotta wear pants to make sure they don’t show, no views!

Chorus: I don’t wanna walk
I don’t wanna run
Due to leg hypertension
They make my legs look ill
Standing up too fast’s sure to cause a spill
I can feel them bulge
Ev’rytime I move
I sit and watch my veins balloon
And take a bunch of pills
The only problem is that they give me chills…

Ow! My skin is tearing
Standing up too fast’s sure to cause a spill
All my muscles searing
Feeling like I’m climbing a giant hill
Now my calves are flaring! OWWWW!
I take a bunch of pills
The only problem is that they give me chills…

Help fight this illness, donate to the Varicose Fund... or become a fan! You can follow me on Facebook or Twitter where you can get all your Blaydeman news updates and new releases the instant they're released!

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User Comments

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Matthias - July 31, 2014 - Report this comment

Informative but not exactly funny. This was a nice parody but didn't really provide any big belly laughs. Love the OS though it's my favorite right below Rebirthing.

Agrimorfee - July 31, 2014 - Report this comment

Very puzzling lyrics, Blayde... "Never fall asleep again cuz this syndrome abuse!"..".I can never promise I won’t overdose, profuse!" Huh? This was repetitive and not at all funny, really.

Abbott Skelding - August 05, 2014 - Report this comment

Very gutsy going with this topic (even though the titles match up perfectly), I gotta go with the above comments. A lot of information, but no belly laughs. I do applaud your rhymes in there (blotched/compression socks being my favorite). Nice work, but could be better.

Max Power - August 09, 2014 - Report this comment

It can be a real pain but you have it a huge effort.

bobpiecheese - August 12, 2014 - Report this comment

(Artistry) Very well written, 555-worthy and all, but I agree with the others that this could've used more of the funny.

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