Song Parodies -> "I Can't Fix This Damn Toaster"

Original Song Title:

"Get a Little Bit Closer"

Original Performer:

Love Machine

Parody Song Title:

"I Can't Fix This Damn Toaster"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Every morning I get out of bed
Alarm clock's beeping, enough said
Wifey dealing with kids
Two pieces of bread, dropped, they're IN

Minutes later the fire alarm's sounding
Smoking toaster, butter's melting
I can't fix this F*cking thing
Tried the lever action spring
Didn't do a damn thing!!!

I can't fix this damn toaster
More like a bread roaster
Fire alarm roller coaster
I think the damn dial's broken

Got a better model at the store
Much improved, costed more
Put in slices of multigrain
Smelled that odor- Damn! Not again!

Wide slots, how could bread jam?
No luck with a service man
More complex, more demands
But suddenly I made a plan
Dumped it in our trash can!

I can't fix this damn toaster
More like a bread roaster
Fire alarm roller coaster
I think the heating elements are broken

Went to Walmart, got a Black & Decker
Toaster OVEN, glass protector
Lots of room on rack inside
Cooks other things too with temp guide

Put the bread in side-by-side
Light or dark? Middle time
Minutes passed, looked inside
Black charred! I lost my mind!!!

I can't fix this damn toaster
More like a bread roaster
That's it, bring the griddle over
Eggs and bacon move over

I'm toasting the old way...

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Mandy - September 29, 2015 - Report this comment

Loved this! 5-5-5! Hey, there's a site online with some really weird toasters like a glass one to view the toast, a combo toaster and teapot, a FM radio toaster, and the Nightmare on Elm Street toaster that burns an image of Freddie on each slice! Yipee! I can relate to this parody because my toaster is old and has bad controls. it tends to burn both sides! At my boyfriend's house his parents have a toaster oven, but the kids keep cooking steaks on the rack without the metal drip plate and so gets grease everywhere. Have you ever eaten greasy toast for breakfast? Gross!

Rob Arndt - September 29, 2015 - Report this comment

No greasy toast, but greasy buns off an Electric grill. Lots of the guys want their burgers that way, especially mushroom burgers! Helps the cheese to melt! Btw, I'd like the NOES Freddie toaster! They should make it a talking type with some of Freddie's best lines:
"Welcome to prime time, B-tch"
" Poor little meatball"
"Well it ain't Dr. Suess!"

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