There's a little brown spot in my shorts today
Right next to the one from yesterday
There's a red sock mixed with a load of white
My not sorting it out was none to bright

I have washed this before but the stains the same
I try to pre-treat but it's so much in vain
I guess all of that stuff used just went down the drain
So I am forever to be plagued by stains

There's a very bad spot on my shirt brand new
(Use some Shout ® on there)
How it got on there, I've not a clue
(Use some Shout ® on there)
It might possibly be from last nights stew
(Use some Shout ® on there)
I will get to it in a day or two
(Use some Shout ® on there)

I have washed this before but the stains the same
I try to pre-treat but it's so much in vain
I guess all of that stuff used just went down the drain
So I am forever to be plagued by stains

Got a bottle of Wisk® and a scrubbing brush
(Use some Shout ® on there)
I am rubbing like hell but it don't do much
(Use some Shout ® on there)
Searching the web for any helpful link
(Use some Shout ® on there)
So now everythings soakin' in the bathroom sink
(Use some Shout ® on there)

I have washed this before but the spot remains
All of these smudges retained, ending up as stains
I am hopelessly stuck as the stain marred Dane
Still it's my destiny to be king of stains


I wish some of these spots were the blood of Sting
With all the dumb lyrics that The Police sing
I've read them ten times and they don't mean a thing
And the numerous problems that each stanza brings

What a pain

(Sorry…Where was I…?)

I buy my t-shirts in a big six pack
(Use some Shout ® on there)
Buy all of my clothes off the discount rack
(Use some Shout ® on there)
There's a little brown spot in my shorts today…
Right next to the spot from yesterday

I have hung my laundry in the pouring rain
Hoping rain water would relieve this bane
I Gotta figure out how to end this refrain
So I guess I should just say, I'm the king of stains
Plagued by stains, king of stains, plagued by stains

I forever am plagued by stains
I forever am king of stains
I forever am plagued by stains
I forever am king of stains
I forever am plagued by stains
I forever am plagued by stains…