Fitin’ In My Chair

There was once a time
Many years ago…

Once, I used to run everyday
Dine on healthy food
And I used to look
So buff…so buff

Wifey now cooks diner all day
Meatballs soaked in grease
And I never say,
“Enough…enough”

She says, "You’ve got to finish what’s on your plate
Then take another helping
And then seven or eight”
I know she loves me but I’ve gained some weight
And now– I’m feeling irate

Ohh…I’m in despair
No…oo…Fitin’ in my chair
Cheeks are sore and I’m hurtin’ down there
More than I can bear

Need to get the band back on tour
Know the fans will come back to see
“Old Farts De Jour”
Such fluff…our stuff

Call my agent and hear him say,
“Well, I’ve got you a job”
And I whimper…”What did you say?…Today?”

We've got to wake-up…we’ve got a gig
And although it’s early morning
And I’m now a fat pig
We've got our covers and so we dig
Them out…our hair is still big…

Ohh…I show some flair
No…oo…Split my underwear
Lose my place so I say The Lord’s Prayer
Lookin’ for a chair
While the people stare

I’ve got my spandex…stretchy and taut
You brace for the jeers when “love handles” you've got

Ohh…I start to swear
No…oo…Fitin’ in that chair
Butt hangs out…it’s so hairy and bare
Still…glad…I’m a millionaire…

(Repeat until Twisted Sister come up next…then Poison…etc.)

IB