I went to my first buffet
Everything looked so damn fine
Ate it till I ate no more
I must have weighed three fifty nine

Could not believe my eyes
When I saw the digits on the scale
"Holy crap! Ate all them fries
Even though they all were stale!"
Oh and I saw right then
My life flashing right through me
I must make a choice
Cause everyone cares for me
I had the worst years of my life

I'm not one for bit****g
When I had some food to chew
About the only thing I'm doin'
Eatin' enough for me and you (yeah)

Taking up my whole front porch
I could not do a damn thing
I would have the choice
Dyin' soon or exercising
Those were the worst years of my life
Back when I weighed three fifty nine

Damn I was killing time
I was soundin' breathless
Needed more energy
I guess fat won't last me ever, ever, oh

And now my weight is changin'
The numbers go from high to low
Sometimes when I looked way back then
I couldn't even see my toes!

Runnin' round my whole big house
I knew that I could do more
Give myself fifteen more years
And then maybe a few more (yeah)
Now I live the best years of my life
Now that I weigh one ninety nine

I used to weigh three fifty nine
Now I weigh one ninety nine