My wife is bigger
She's bigger than you, and you outweigh me
The lengths that she will go to, to get a cherry pie
Oh no, she weighs too much
She weighs a ton

That's her with the corn curls
That's her with the Moon Pies, food is her religion
Tryin' to keep it from me
And she's just big enough to do it
Oh no, she eats too much, she never gets enough

I thought that I heard the doorbell
I thought that I heard it ring
I think it might be Pizza Hut

Every pretzel
Every lemon sour ball, chewing with a vengeance
Tryin' to keep it all from me
Like a fat sloppy snorting big pig
Oh no, she weighs too much, she weighs a ton

Consider her
Consider her the hog of the century
Consider me a wimp, crawling on my knees and beggin'
What if she would give me just one of those potato chips
She eats too much

I thought that I heard the doorbell
I thought that I heard it ring
I think this time it's Dominoes

Makes me want to scream
Drank up all the cream

That's her with the corn curls
That's her with the Moon Pies, scarfing all the Twinkies
Tryin' to keep it from me
And she's just big enough to do it
Oh no, she eats too much, she never gets enough

I thought that I heard the doorbell
I thought that I heard it ring
I thought it might be Jenny Craig
But that was just a dream
It's fries and pies and shakes and cakes
Low cal lean cuisine makes her scream
Just a dream, dream