Sucks and licks and peeks are in order
As I scan my girl at the border,
But as I scan my girl at the border,
There's a slight roadblock..
Intense passion, horny, I hurry
Bedroom crashin'..warm for my Shirley,
But, bad luck I'm stuck with a Shirley
With a hinge and lock...

Her hair is yellow, she's the prettiest 'round
Her best friends, Jennie and Heather
Spent the whole night flirtin'..made my heartbeat pound
She tickled my tweaks like a feather..

Dinner, drinks, and winkin' and thinkin'
Pictured loungerie and some slinkin
But, looks like I'm shot down like Lincoln
Left with awe and shock..
Cuz' I'm stuck here with a Shirley in a hinge and a lock

I can feel my eyes gettin' blurry,.
Chas-tit-y belt covers her furry
I can't get it on with my Shirley in a hinge and lock
Forecast cloudy, bad lovin' weather,
Can't do naughty things, I would rather,
My love boat's tied up with a tether,
Harbored at the dock..

The bull can't bristle, it skeedaddles along
No gettin' inside to the clover
The needle is ready for a phonograph song
But no way for playin' it over..

Such frustration goes on forever,
No gas station for pumpin' lever,
I guess I'll just scrap my endeavor
Be a losin' jock..

Gotta' give up on my Shirley with a hinge and a lock

Gotta' give up on my Shirley with a hinge and a lock